ROOM 18 ESCAPADE

A Pastoral Response and Counsel to Marital Unfaithfulness.

Four days later, Maureen (my wife) and I got wind of the ‘Room 18 Escapade’ trending on social media. It made for sad reading, watching, and listening. 

The video, posts, and comments on social media revealed that a large man and another man's wife were having an affair at an unnamed lodge in room 18. While in there, the husband to the lady was tipped, or rather, according to the claim in the video, he read about the intended meeting on a cloned WhatsApp and decided to follow through. Upon storming the room, he found the two in a compromised state (though not videoed). The raging husband then took a video of the two on his phone. Typically, one would expect the husband to engage in physical violence with the couple, but thankfully, he held back, and nothing of that kind occurred. 

 

Regardless of the circumstances, this is a disheartening development for the households in question, their families, and indeed the entire marriage institute's credibility and moral integrity in Zambia. We have all felt the effects to some extent. Therefore, in this pastoral response and counsel, our motivation is first and foremost reconciliation and restoration for the wounded couples to the glory of God. Secondly, we urge the rest of us on the terraces to exercise caution and admonition to maintain the credibility and integrity of the Zambian home.

 

The most unfortunate aspect of this situation is not the actions of the characters in the 'Room 18 escapade', but rather the overwhelming condemnation, mockery, humiliation, and shame that the majority of social media viewers and followers are expressing. In derogative terms, some have even gone to the extent of producing ads and promos. It's like taking a selfie at an accident scene with dead and mutilated bodies all over the place. 

However, since no one has a complete account of the exact sin committed or the current and future status of the two couples, it would be beneficial for all of us to exercise caution in our analysis and comments. Remember, a video always communicates the photographer’s perspective. Therefore, although we all suspect an act of 'disqualifying sin’ in Room 18, our goal must be to bring wellness and not distraction to the two homes. 

 

Food for thought! We know that many Christians would rather relish a punitive reaction to this escapade. In fact, for some, at the end of this reading, they will not be happy with us; that's okay. However, Jesus’ attitude should be most desired. Listen, in a similar incident two thousand years ago, a group of Pharisees caught a woman red-handed in an act of adultery. They then brought her (without the big man) to Jesus with a predetermined verdict and execution-style by stoning. Contrary to their expectations, Jesus asked one thing: “Whoever has never committed one sin, let him cast the first stone!”. In dismay and guilty as charged, the crowd scampered in different directions to nurse their undisclosed private sins. Common sense, they all feared to linger longer, lest he publicly mentions them. Our loving Lord Jesus then forgave the woman, cautioned her, and let her go free. Great lesson right there.

 

Laughing, mocking, jeering, and gleefully discussing our friends' depravity on social media is akin to casting our own many stones. We act as if we are the most righteous, even though we are just as guilty as the very condemnation we are hurling at others. The size of the stones we throw is actually a measure of our own depravity. As the Bemba saying goes, "Bakolwe basekana ifipato (Baboons laugh at each other's backside)." Generally, when individuals exhibit a resentful attitude towards their friends' transgressions, it often indicates that they have not yet confronted the repercussions of their personal sins. If you have personally experienced or simply understand the impact of shame on a person, their children, and their family, you likely care deeply!

 

While the woman and the big man may be wrong (we say that carefully because we have no tangible evidence to stand on), we find the husband equally wrong (we understand he has been hurting) for filming and posting on social media. For goodness sake, this is your spouse. It was to them that he vowed, "For better or for worse." As painful as this may be, the worst is yet to come. Regardless of how sinful your spouse may be, taking a video and posting it on social media is regrettable.

 

The big man, however his explanation may be, carries a lot of blame and has serious issues to sort out. We can only wish he was not married; otherwise, his fires with his wife, home, and family are equally volcanic. Fortunately, unless the wife decides to be irresponsible, we will never meet her, and the two will likely resolve their issues behind closed doors. We are sure he will do everything possible to protect his home from social media shame. However, if he is to buy his freedom, no matter how embarrassing the experience may be, knowing that matters are before a hurting community, taking the necessary steps to apologize to the lady and her husband will be the most soothing and honorable thing to do.

 

If, at all, it is proven that sexual sin is indeed the case, we feel sorry for our sister. Especially since her linen was posted on social media. However, if she genuinely calls on the Lord, he will answer her, for he knows she needs help, not condemnation. Therefore, we all do well to encourage her to go back home to her husband and seek his forgiveness. If the husband forgives and embraces her, he will be the most blessed.

 

Our detective husband and brother, while we appreciate the informants’ detailed information necessary to bring an end to this escapade, the use of it has left an unpalatable clog in our throats. It is difficult to imagine a husband filming his wife in the middle of a burning bush. That act, in and of itself, challenges the very office of 'husband' with all its attributes. Surely, however sinful your wife may be, she still deserves your protection from all enemies, especially the shame that comes with social media. We guess even our brother needs help to put his home back in order. Before dealing with his wife’s acclaimed moral failure, he too must consider apologizing for his failure to protect and provide for her emotionally.

 

What, then, is the way forward? 

First, you should refrain from choosing to divorce your spouse. Taking advice from social media can prove to be an even more detrimental mistake. Perpetuating the wife's shame in front of the family is a recipe for more tsunamis. And developing an indifferent attitude towards the children is a no-go area.

Second, pursue reconciliation as your primary goal, regardless of how filthy this incident may be. Though bruised, healing is possible. Despite the pain, it is time to take the walk of shame together. There is nothing so glorious as forgiveness and reconciliation, which shame the devil and all other enemies. In the process, seek pastoral counsel as early as possible.

 

What about the rest of the social media viewing fraternity, as well as the nation at large?

Instead of wasting precious time laughing, mocking, joking, and gossiping about each other, let's learn from each other's failures. The sole distinction from the majority is that your sins remain hidden. For others, your sin is in another area that only your conscience, the devil, and God know better. For the rest, take heed; none is immune to failure. You may be laughing today, but tomorrow you may be next on the devil’s hit list. Participate in healing others, rather than bruising them further.

 

Let us end here. Dear wounded couples, married and soon-to-be married individuals in Zambia, the struggle to protect your family and marriage from various enemies and intruders is constant; adopt a militant mindset! The 'Room 18 escapade' is just a brief glimpse of what lies ahead of us when we drop our guard. Therefore, like these dear friends in question, whenever you are wounded, choose to rebuild your home and not to further destroy it. Keep in mind that your real enemy is not your spouse; he or she is just a fellow victim on the battlefront defending your marriage. 

 

Never lose hope; you have a capable God who looks out for you. Just cry out to him in genuine repentance, and you'll be amazed at the beauty he will bring out of these ashes.

Think Less of Yourself!

This photo has made my day! It is from the just-ended 2022 Africa Confederation cup finals. Kudos to the photographer, he has nailed it. Am not sure what the conversation was between the referee and Mohamed Salah (the highly ranked Egyptian striker), but the caption is so telling. Assuming so, there is a profound spiritual lesson that every Christian should learn from.

A wink; unquestionably the title of this article does not fit well with the paradigms of today’s motivational speakers and preachers. To them, am a loser.

 

That aside. Have you ever noticed how highly people think of themselves in this generation? I have met people who think, speak, and act as though they own the world. as though the world would disintegrate into rabble if they ever fold their hands. They make everybody around them or those attached to their paraphernalia appear indebted to their worth. A sure display of our degenerated egocentric life which promotes ‘self’ like a product at the marketplace?

 

Whether it be at school, in the corporate arena, or within the religious community self-aggrandizement and self-glorification is the order of the day. indeed, without a shadow of a doubt, we the 21stC earthlings have exponentially become the beasts of the urban jungle”. In our depravity we have relentlessly continued to walk in the way of our federal father Adam; buy into the lie of the evil and make ‘self’ a little god.

 

Brethren, it is time to be more deliberate in heeding the Scriptures: “For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work… (Gal 6:3-4)”.

 

In Biblical history all those characters we most admire as successful notables who left a godly legacy and posterity were meek. They all thought less of themselves. They all began life with very little to offer. Let me sample a few popular ones.

Abraham began as a homeless traveler. Joseph was an imprisoned sold slave. Moses was a slave child and later a fugitive. David was a disregarded little shepherd boy. Daniel a young captive and slave. Nehemiah a house servant slave. And the mightiest of all, Jesus Christ the Nazarene born in a cattle cave from a simple young couple.

Though they all had dreams, goals to conquer, and odds to brave, they accomplished their earthly missions having thought less of themselves. It was with their very lowliness/meek disposition that God glorified himself and promoted them.

 

So brethren, this idea of self-glorification, self-positivity, ‘claiming and believe theology’ and all the rest in that bundle is just an awash approach to life. Christians need to learn to work hard and to get dirty through the heat of the day. it doesn’t matter how highly you think of yourself, God has ordained work to feed, dress, and shelter you. Leave it to the Lord to test, prove, and eventually make something good for his glory and your good from you.

 

Back to the referee-Salah conversation. In light of the comedy, lol! The referee was right to challenge Salah to take charge of the match if he thought of himself as one who can referee better. Not that the referee was going to give up his role to Salah; rather, he was simply being sarcastic. With that very sarcasm, he drove the point home: “I am in charge, leave it to me, and you think less of yourself for now!”

Consequently, in his wisdom, Salah was right in refusing to take the whistles and the cards. Not because the regulations would not allow, but because he was reminded of the need to be humble and stick to his lane; to think less of himself as a player and not an adjudicator.

 

Brethren, though simply a photo and a comical caption which is most likely not true, it is so illustrative of our spiritual life. The more we think less of ourselves and commit to doing our calling and placement with all our might, the better people we become. Simply put; let us learn to be humble, to respect other people even when society regards them less, and to do our work with all our might. That glorifies our God!

Encouraging each other's Faith

 

This morning, for my edification, I read through the first two chapters of the book of Romans. No sooner had I gone two minutes into the book than 'Romans 1v8-12' jumped out and engaged my attention.

“First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all, that your faith is spoken of throughout the whole world. For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of His Son, that without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers, making request if, by some means, now at last I may find a way in the will of God to come to you. For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift, so that you may be established— that is, that I may be encouraged together with you by the mutual faith both of you and me.” (Romans 1:8–12)

 

Intriguingly, Paul’s desire and love for the Roman believers whom he had neither met nor seen was fascinating. Except for a few of his former companions who now lived in Rome (Romans 16:1–16), he had only heard about their faith. What was it that zealously drew Paul to the Roman brethren that he prayed for them always (Romans 1:9–10)? Two things:

 

First, it was all about their faith in God that was being proclaimed all over the world (Romans 1:8). The gospel had been preached among the gentiles who were now calling upon the Lord. The transformation was so vivid that their testimony spread like a world fire. Paul, who was an apostle to the gentiles could not resist but praise the Lord for his grace upon a people who were once outcasts, barbarians, and vagabonds. But now; brothers and sisters in the Lord. It was God’s work of grace in Church at Rome that brought joy, gladness, and a yearning in Paul to share in their encouragement. 

 

Second, that first-hand experience of faith’s freshness from a mutual encouragement born from that continuous fellowship with the brethren (Romans 1:11–12). Paul’s intention to meet up with the church at Rome was to experience a mutual encouragement of faith. Paul never regarded himself as that great apostle who goes around encouraging the weak, and healing the troubled, No! Even with his higher calling, Paul considered himself as a mere servant of God who needed encouragement from other believers as well; strengthening, and growing each other’s faith.

 

Contrary to this virtue of encouraging each other’s faith in this world, we have become so individualistic to the detriment of each other. We are no longer paracletes (brother’s keepers); instead, we fight each other and walk alone. We easily forget that this world we live in seeks to butcher our Faith; rust it, fade it and dry it up. Literary, Satan jumps on our shoulders to disorient, buffet, and toss us to and from. Our own flesh’s propensity to sin works simultaneously with the evil one dragging us into friendless filth. By the time we realize we miserably question our faith, God’s love, and our usefulness in God’s kingdom. Thank God he is still gracious with us!

 

Romans 1:8–12 is worth a thousand and more perusals. What a blessing, and how wonderful, in the likeness of the apostle Paul, if we would learn the virtue of encouraging each other’s faith in the church. Much growth would be experienced by the majority. So, what is our lesson? Two things: 

 

Here is the first lesson. Learn to deliberately nurture a culture of looking forward to praising God for the work of grace done in other believers. We must pray to see the wonders of our God among his flock even while their weakness and failures linger. To watch God’s grace, faithfulness, and love at work in others is a great blessing. Such was Paul’s heart. Like with the Roman believers, Paul loved them and was so thankful to God for the Corinthian believers even calling them sanctified in Christ (1Corinthians 12,4).

 

Brethren, just by this simple attitude of celebrating the work of grace in others God will bless your heart and encourage your faith.

Here is the second lesson. Learn to deliberately nurture a culture of frequently being with other believers with a single purpose of encouraging each other’s faith. Yes, there is a time for correction, reproof, rebuke, and debate. However, a time of encouraging others should be more pronounced. It is so unfortunate majority of believers spend their precious time trashing talking, growling, and amusing over others’ sins and failures. May it not be so with us. Let us meet and practice virtues that strengthen and grow our faith and the Lord’s church. To encourage the inner man and bring a freshness to our faith.

Brethren, like the apostle Paul who longed to visit the Roman Church to celebrate God’s work of grace in them, and experience mutual encouragement with each other’s faith, may that be said of us in the church and among those who hear of our faith. Amen!